Like a lot of people, I do tend to struggle with this dark side of the year and along with a number of friends, can struggle to keep the black-dog at bay. Had a slight addition to this grey side of life this year....
It'll be 10 years since I lost my dad to cancer(s) later in the year. My mum is what I guess you'd call a cancer survivor and my little sis is presently going through the tail-end of some aggressive cancer treatment. All three of them have had breast cancer and even though we have always tried to give cancer the middle finger and smile about life, it hasn't been and isn't easy. Mum misses dad (as we all do) and my little sis getting hit rather seriously by cancer was a proper kick in the nuts. Obviously it raised a huge number of questions about me and my health. 12 months ago I ripped my shoulder joint muscle and L and the Doc feared I'd had a stroke (I hadn't) but it did result in me having a bucket-load of tests done - they simply pointed out that as a result of a lot of sport over the years, I'm slowly wearing out). They did however find out that I have stupidly high blood pressure but there's not a lot about my lifestyle I can do to change it. So, fast forward a little and you have me talking to my Doc about cancer and cancer in my family. Filled in a huge form and once filled in, it was grim reading and it resulted in me again being sent to see a specialist. My little sis has the geno missing and so she asked me to see about getting tested. I did rock up to see the specialist but after a well-being chat that lasted about 60mins, I decided there was very little point in finding out as I wouldn't do anything differently and my logic is 'what will be, will be'. Getting further tests done to check me out, took a little longer but to reduce the length of this blog, I got the last of the results through last week and I don't have any cancer. I felt a little bad telling my little sis this but obviously it is very good news. Got to keep an eye on thing but then so does everyone. I might take the geno-test should my boy want to know as he grows up or if I do get hit by the big C but happy not to.
Anyway, I think all this has taken its toll on me a little more than I would like to accept. Thinking I could get some bad news, did get me thinking (I think too much as it is) and I think I have to accept that I'm a grown-up now but there is a big chunk of me that just wants to buy a boat and with my little family, sail away. Being a grown-up is hard work and sometimes it gets to you.
So, there it is. I've shared something a little deeper than usual. I'll return to normal services later.
My little family xx
